Turkish Delight

I have a confectionery project,
And I'm going to start it tonight -
As quiet as a mouse,
I'm building a house
Made entirely of Turkish Delight..
With delectable rose-tinted windows,
On a chocolate-dipped chaise longue I'll linger..
by a table top-sized block of perfumed deliciousness,
breaking off bits with my fingers...
It's become an abiding addiction
And I never can get quite enough:
My freezer is stocked
With humungous blocks
of the wonderful chocolatey stuff..
So I'll lay the foundations this evening,
If I don't eat it all with a spoon,
And my house will have stairs
Made of chocolate eclairs,
Reaching right up to the moon.
Then I'll curl myself up for the Winter
While the blizzards pile snow all about
In a rose-scented dream I'll be lost to the world
As I gradually eat my way out...

Toaster by Avios

I'm going to try
And get it to fly
Right out of my door like a ghost:
To see it go sailing
Through Manhattan skies,
And making a hobo some toast..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjLePcemJJI

How I Wish All The Pigeons Would Die..

You're a monstrous and cretinous
Rat of the skies
With a brain that's the size of a pea...
You clutter and clatter
And rustle and natter
annoying the hell out of me...
It's such repetitious behaviour,
You do it again and again
Like slaves to viagra :
I'm fed up of watching you
Getting it on through the panes..
You peck all the plants in my garden
And can't walk without moving your head
And if I had my way
(And I will do one day)
I'd gladly see all of you dead.

Starship Centrebus

Centrebus are on a mission
Cosmonauts should know:
They'll boldly take you anywhere
You just don't want to go.

No ticket to Utopia,
No giddy cosmic freedom:
Instead you'll trudge to Bradford
Via Huby, Pool and Yeadon.

737

Inspired by the f*ckwitted 737 drivers from Centrebus who try and break my bones every morning on the pot-hole-pitted yokel superhighway to Shipley. God damn you all....

NB: The Boeing 737 is a short- to medium-range twin-engine narrow-body jet airliner.
The 737 Harrogate - Bradford bus service is a suspensionless, skeleton-shredding death-trap.

You've failed your mission,
I regret:
Not ALL my bones
are broken yet..
Your mind dictated by your map,
You're like a greyhound from a trap -
My nervous system's
Shot to hell,
As you wring those gears
Like Christmas bells,
Hurtling through
The summer twilight
Like a Kamikazi Pilot.
The steering wheel
You wrench and twist
To hit each pothole
On your list -
As I vainly try to reach the door,
My handbag shoots across the floor
As you slam down hard upon the brake
As though you're trying to kill a snake
Just as the lights are turning red -
My teeth are rattling in my head.
As I try to realign my jaw
We're clocking 90 miles or more,
And as the lights are turning green,
You hit up more amphetamine -
And cackle wildly, mad with glee
As we reach escape velocity.
To hell and back
is where we're going.
It's a god-damned BUS
It's NOT a Boeing...
:

The Elephant

There's an elephant in the corner of the room
If you squint you'll make his trunk out in the gloom
He's made of all the things we always really meant to say
And until we get around to it, he'll never go away
You know I really like you and I think you like me too
So if you're in agreement here is something we can do
Let's forget about the sad times and the hurtful things we said
And welcome in the happy stuff that make us smile instead
Then we'll go and get the elephant and stand him on a ball
And we'll buy him some bananas as we roll him down the hall.

Foxes on a Trampoline

The funniest thing I’ve ever seen

Is foxes on a trampoline..

Baffled, they out-bounce each other

Snapping sister, brindled brother...

Wary firstly, then with grace

See them launching into space

Barking, biting, twisting round

Several inches off the ground..

How fine to jump! What joy to be

No longer slaves to gravity...

Fox acrobatics to the letter:

Grass is good- but rubber’s better.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wa-K_2pt0rM

Breaking News....

I understand a new food scandal has just erupted, with traces of Quiscalus mexicanus being found in packets of the popular breakfast cereal Snap, Grackle and Pop.

Occupational Hazards

"Worked in a restaurant, but they were cooking the books..."

A Murder of Crows

A Murder of Crows
is every bit

as dark

as it suggests,

Their wicked plotting

spotted

in a clotted

knot

of nests...



With Thanks to Moth Clark for his wonderful photo



Todays' Words

I love it when you leave me
But I hate it when you go
And even when my eyes are shut
I still see falling snow

Schrodinger Says...

A cat placed a Quantum Mechanics scientist in a sealed chamber with a flask of poison, and a radioactive source. If an internal monitor detects radioactivity (i.e. a single atom decaying), the flask is shattered, releasing the poison that kills the scientist. The Copenhagen interpretation of quantum mechanics implies that after a while, the scientist is simultaneously alive and dead. Yet, when one looks in the box, one sees the scientist either alive or dead, not both alive and dead. This poses the question of when exactly quantum superposition ends and reality collapses into one possibility or the other. Meanwhile, the cat has found a ball of string...

 

Today's Poem: The Ghost That Walks Behind Me

You are the ghost that walks behind me
The memory that always finds me
Footsteps on the breeze

All the things that came to pass
The sunlight on the frozen grass
The shadows in the trees

All the words we never shared
All the things we never dared
All the hurt and need

All the love and all the pain
All the years of sun and rain
All the time that's gone

The hours echo down the days
An endless parting of the ways
But still you linger on

Today's favourite word is...

"Natterjack"

Today's Poem : There's always some Tw*t in a T-Shirt...

There's always some Tw*t in a T-Shirt
There's always a cause that is lost:
In every town on a Saturday Night,
Braving the Permafrost...

There's always some Tw*t in a T-Shirt
Convinced he's a magnet for chicks,
Battered on Tennants and stuffed with Kebabs
Weaving about, being sick....

There's always some Tw*t in a T-Shirt
With a drunken and cretinous crew,
Reeling about with it all hanging out,
And they'll  ALL get a cab before YOU...

Occupational Hazards

"Worked as a Bailiff, but I couldn't make it pay...."

Today's Poem: Fill My In Tray, Baby (Blues Analogy #1)

Fill my In Tray, Baby,
Fill my In Tray all night long:
Fill it till it overflows,
Fill it good and strong...

Deliver me your Action Plan
As far as you are able,
Handle my objections -
And let's get them on the table..

Cascade your information
Till my system cannot cope,
Then slide your urgent document
Into my envelope..

Today's Poem : Crystal Balls

I rang up a telephone psychic
To see if my lover was true -
And after a bit of a pause and a sigh,
She confessed she was dating him too...

Today's Words: Some Day

Some day
In another world
We'll meet again,
And we'll run together
Through the cold Spring grass
Like young hares..

Occupational Hazards

Worked as a gardener, but there was no fuschia in it...